10 Things I Benefited From Being Bullied By My Buddy In The Workplace

Huh, that’s weird. What in the world is to be benefited from being bullied? Well, it depends on how you look at it.

So many things have been written about bullying and we know for a fact that it is ugly, and we would do anything to avoid this. But this is not what this blog is about.

This is about looking at the brighter side of life. Come to think of it. You are being bullied or you have been bullied. Think about what it did to you positively. What did you learn from that nasty experience?

Bullying can happen to anybody anywhere. I am a teacher and I have been bullied in the workplace by a buddy, or so I thought. As the saying goes, everything happens for a reason. I can’t change what happened because I can’t change her. Acceptance and a positive attitude would do me a favor. So on thewhole, I have God and this bully to thank for.

Here are 10 things I benefited from that nightmare:

1. It made me choose my friends well. It’s not the number of friends that count most, it’s the quality of them. I knew she was toxic because she likes to gossip about her friends and colleagues, but I continued to be within her circle because I thought I didn’t have a choice. But I was wrong. I did have a choice – by choosing to be alone, or being with a few trusted friends in the workplace.

 2. It made me stronger emotionally. Sure, I cried a bucket. Tears welled and eyes swelled. But tears are a powerful weapon. They wash away the hurt and the hate in your body. So after years of putting up with this person and weeks of crying myself to sleep, here I am, alive and well, with a conviction that no amount of degradation and no bully can ever put me down again.

 3. It made me more patient. I put up with her for years because I didn’t want to quarrel with her over a small matter. But this small matter continued and escalated over the years. But it taught me patience. It taught me not to pounce at the first sign of attack. It taught me the art of escapism than the art of war.

 4. It made me more forgiving of my aggressors. I may not have forgiven this person just yet, (How can I? She knows how to twist the story for her own benefit. She makes it appear that I was the bully to her, not her to me) but it taught me to forgive others readily. How can I not? After all what I’ve been through with this bully, it’s easier now to forgive others for what seems a small matter compared to what this insecure lot did to me.

 5. It made me more understanding of human behavior. She bullied me, yes. And I kept wondering why she was doing this to me and the others who have already left the toxic workplace that she created for us.

It was a big question mark why a person who seemed to have a good life already compared to her miserable childhood due to poverty, would put down those who are even below their level.

Well, as I said bullies are an insecure lot. They’re not perfect. So when they see in that person what is lacking in them, they are quick to pounce and trample on you.

They’re like, “There’s no way you can be better than me. If you’re better than me on this aspect, then I’ll make sure that people will see more of your negative side.”

Bullies don’t admit this but this reasoning lies somewhere in their subconscious.

So being a target of bullying actually gave me a wider perspective on people’s behavior.

6. It made me more aware of my self-worth. When you are working with and going out with familiar people, you sometimes drop your guard. Sometimes you make fun of yourself for the sake of giving fun to your friends. Sometimes you expose to them your shortcomings and your vulnerabilities.

But snakes abound even in civilized places. So if you humble yourself by being true to yourself, they see it as a weakness instead of strength. The next time you know is that your secrets are no secrets anymore, your plans which you have confided to them have gone viral in the workforce and even outside of it, your private thoughts and private jokes have gone public in the workplace.

Sometimes you have to choose between keeping them to yourself and your most trusted friend than sharing some of yourself to others.

Lesson learned:  If you value yourself more, then you have to protect yourself from fake friends. Show them that you have dignity in spite of being yourself.

7. It made me more assertive. By being assertive, I don’t mean you have to be aggressive. They may be synonyms but they have a shade of difference.

 I mean, I fight back when I hit a dead-end. But if there’s any other way to exit, I’d choose the exit.

I’m not a violent person, nor a quarrelsome one, to say the least. To me, I’d be more of a loser if I give in to them the first time they intimidate me.

But I’ll protect myself by not cowering in the dark and making silence my best friend. This is self-destructive. I’ll speak my mind whenever I have the chance. I’d first take a flight, or if not, I’ll fight.

8. It bonded me with my family. I thought at first, “I can handle this on my own. It would be just the three of us – I, Myself, and Me, and if there’s gonna be a fourth one, it would be My Shadow.”

But it gripped my heart, literally and figuratively. I was afraid I was having a heart attack. That’s when I realized that bullying can be deadly if something is not done about it.

 And that was when I involved my husband with what I was going through. This particular incident made me all the more closer to my family. It was a validation to me that whatever happened they will always be there for me, caring for me, and supporting me through thick and thin.

 9. It drew me closer to the Lord. Of all the things I mention here, this gave me the most benefit. For where do I turn to, but only to Him. He is the one who gave me this trial, only He can lift this up. He is my Rock, my Maker and my Giver. He decides when to lift me up if only I will seek Him. Thankfully, He is always there for me.

10. It made me wiser. There is always something good to be learned from unpleasant experiences. I learned that gossiping about that person won’t do me any good. I could make use of my time pursuing my passion such as reading and writing than joining in the gossip. (It’s just a waste of my saliva although this can always be replaced by drinking water.) But my time is more precious than that. I’d be better off pursuing my creative side and putting them to good use. That is, to reach out to others who have been bullied, too. (You are not alone. I know how you feel.)

Nobody wants to be bullied. But bullies are, and will always be there. They will never accept it’s their fault. To them, it will always be your fault. You can’t change them but you can change your situation. Do your best to be out of this person’s radar because the longer this bully lingers, the greater the damage will be on you.

As for me, I needed a break from the toxic workplace, so I went on leave for a year. I have no regrets. I made the right decision.  Money isn’t all there is to it. My well-being is more important than this.

Now the workforce seems to be more aware of the negative effects of workplace bullying.

So if it happened to you, look to the dawn. Cheers. With God and your loved ones, there’s a better life ahead of you. Look to the future, and never look back on this ugly past. Pick only the worthwhile pieces which you can make use of as you embark on a new journey. Move on and learn from this experience.

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Silence is the Bully’s Ally, So Let Yourself Be Heard

Silence doesn’t always mean intelligence. In fact, it can even mean stupidity. Silence is good sometimes, but not all the time. As the bible says, “There is a time for everything.”

Silence or its opposite has its proper place and time. Bullies want to capitalize on silence as a sign of intelligence because they don’t want to be stopped by the commotion that you make. They want you to keep still, be silent, and endure the abuses that they heap on you.

Silence of the target is the bully’s ally. With the target’s silence, he has become the devil’s own advocate. So the bully tries to tell you that reacting, complaining, fighting back, is a sign of weakness.

I dare say, don’t allow yourself to be brainwashed by this self-serving mindset. This is no different from the ISIS fighter telling the little girl she was raping that what he was doing was an act of worship.

So go on, be silent for fear that you will be called a moron, an idiot, or a stupid person; and let your bully torment you day in and day out, till you’re stressed out.

You say, you can always avoid him. Not all the time, especially when you move in the same family or social circle. You can’t, actually, because he is just there within your sphere. After all, he won’t be called a bully if he is on the other side of the world.

Access is the asset of the bully. He believes in the saying, “Keep your friends close, your enemies closer.” You say, you can always ignore him. Sure, but not all the time. Remember, he isn’t called a bully for nothing.

If he offended you once, you can just ignore him, tell yourself it’s nothing, and that this will pass away in time.

But with your silence you have just given him a license to kill your character. You allowed the bully to flourish. He will never stop unless you show some resistance.

History has always proven that evil succeeds and flourishes with silence. Violence becomes rampant when nobody tells anyone to stop.

Silence can mean yes. Countries have been colonized for a long time until such time that they decided to voice out their oppositions that led to revolutions.

You don’t need to suffer in silence if only to show people that you are strong, that you can cope gracefully under pressure, and that you have the grace of handling stress.

Let’s get real. Let yourself be heard when you’re not happy about the way other people treat you. This is not the right time to be silent. Speak your mind and end the bullying.

10 Reasons Why Stock Trading as a Passive Income is Better than Money Lending

Money lending as a side income in the Philippines is very popular. It has become so that some people have even made it as a major income. But because many people and private lending institutions are engaged in this business, competition has become very stiff. So the interest rate in lending has lowered from 20% to 10% to 5%, and even to 4% per month.

I don’t lend money. I used to borrow money. That’s why I know the current interest rates.

I am into stock trading and I enjoy what I’m doing. I have found out that it is possible for you to  earn these rates in a month, days, minutes, or seconds. In fact, the highest rate a stock goes up in a day is 50%. The opposite can also happen to your money but that can also happen in money-lending. But that is another story.

Here are the reasons why in my opinion, stock trading is better than lending money. I have listed them in no particular order:

1. No networking. You don’t need other people to operate your business. No need to advertise like, “I have a little money. Just let me know if you want to borrow.”

If nobody knows, nobody borrows, therefore you don’t earn. So the more people you recruit, the bigger your earnings will be.

In stock trading, you operate alone. You don’t pay any agent to lend your money. You pay your broker a smaller fee, but you don’t pay someone to manage your money because you are managing your money yourself.

2. No overhead costs. Your home is your office or wherever you are as long as you have an internet connection. You don’t need to rent an office and pay your employees and the office maintenance bill.

3. Nobody bothers you. Nobody goes to your house or wherever you are, looking for you to be able to borrow money. In stock trading, your clients are online, you don’t need to get to know them, see them, nor talk to them.

4. It is less risky.  Let’s face it. All businesses have risks. If you lend money, sometimes you don’t get paid. If you do get paid, it sometimes takes a very long time. Sometimes, there’s no collection from a client in a month or months, therefore, the money that you lent him comes to a standstill. You get upset, mad, worried, and can’t sleep well because you are thinking of this person who took your money without giving it back. You become stressed.

You think you are safe because you’re holding his ATM? What if you find out that there’s nothing in there? What if it was blocked by the owner to be sold to another lender? This happens and this is the lender’s  worst nightmare.

Stock trading is also risky but you have to fear yourself more than be afraid of risks. If you can’t discipline yourself, then you are your worst enemy.

5. You can trade in your underwear. You can even go naked if it makes you happy. Why? You’re trading in your bedroom with only your laptop or your cellphone in front of you.

My point here is, you don’t need to dress up because you’re going out to meet people and collect money. Heck, I can even earn money without combing my hair. But there’s more to that. I am able to save on lipstick and face powder.

6. No transportation cost. You don’t need to go out of the house to earn it. This is self-explanatory.

7. No security threat. You have seen on tv news about money lenders who were murdered for their money. Because if you lend money, many people know that you have money. That’s good for business but bad for your safety. Better secure your house and yourself when you’re on the streets.

When you’re into stocks trading, no worries. Other people don’t need to know, if you’re more comfortable with that.

8. You can keep this a secret. So you are spared from the awkward situation of turning people down when you don’t trust them with your money. No explanation, no hassle.

9. You can start small. You don’t go into money lending business with only P5,000.00 for a start. (If you lend money, people in need will flock to you only to be denied because you ran out of funds.) But in stocks trading, you can. In fact, I would advise you to start small as you’re only learning the ropes of the business.

 10. No bookkeeping. You don’t need to keep records of people who owe you and how much. In stock trading, all your business transactions are recorded by your broker for you.

So all you need to do here is learn about the business as what you would do in any business. Take risks for every business entails risks. But bear in mind that the bigger the profit of the business, the bigger the risk.